#AceNewsDesk – July.24: 11 Eleven things you’ll only know if you are the mother of your friendship group
We all knew who the mother of the group was in Friends (Picture: Entertainment Film Distributors)
We’ve all got one.
The one girl in the group that is the solid, reliable one that basically stops us all getting ourselves into more trouble than we can really handle.
The taxi driver, the tear wiper, the home baked cake-maker.
The one that you can tell more boy gossip and sex stuff to than your actual mother, but the one that is the more like your own mum than, well, your own mum!
And if you are the mum of your little group of ladies, you’ll know the following things to be so very true.
1. You get all the crying phone calls
From the ‘that bastard’s cheating on me’ right through to ‘I’m so hungover I can’t deal with life any more’ calls.
You are the queen of mopping up tears over a phone line.
2. You are the group doctor
‘What do you think this could be?’ – is a message you receive quite frequently.
Sometimes accompanied with a picture (covers eyes immediately).
Almost always coupled with a graphic description of the problem in question.
You spend longer on NHS direct for the girls than for yourself.
3. You are also the group’s real life journey planner
You don’t even bother to send out details of the evening’s arrangements without a pin in a map, the full postcode and Google image of the bar.
You know full well that each girlfriend will just call you when they get out of the Tube for directions, so this way you have to field fewer calls.
4. That’s without mentioning the fact that you are the group therapist
Career advice, relationship advice, advice on how to tackle a slight crazy creep at work that that they want to shake off.
Yep, you can cover it all.
You basically need to carry round a portable chaise lounge and start charging by the hour.
5. You are the queen of birthdays
A good few weeks’ prep goes into each of the others’ birthdays.
The restaurant is booked weeks in advance and the gift is purchased and wrapped days before the event.
Come your birthday, you’ll be lucky if they make it to the right pub in time.
They do, but only because you’ve sent them detailed instructions, because you booked your own area and pre-ordered the nibbles.
6. You’ve seen them all butt naked
When helping them self tan.
Or undressing them when drunk to get to bed.
Or when you’re needed to look at that ‘weird’ thing they’ve found.
To this day they’ve never seen you in the nude. Ever.
7. Your friends’ boyfriends are actually scared about meeting you
But they’ve been told that you’re the one that needs impressing the most.
Because, well, you’re group mum.
8. Your brain is a human Filofax
You seem to remember every important work meeting, doctor’s appointment, first night of meeting the new boyf’s parents.
It’s all stored up there. Somehow.
9. You are the drunk Pied Piper
You are the one at 3.30am trying to keep all drunk members of the gang in one place while you try to peel the final member off a random man on the dance floor.
10. You shout at them all. A lot
You are the one that tells them off for spending their wedding fund on prosecco.
The one that pulls them up when actually they are being a dick to their boyfriend.
You do a lot of finger wagging, and they wouldn’t do without it.
Charlotte knows when someone needs a telling off (Picture: Entertainment Film Distributors)
11. You’ve been told more than once that if it wasn’t for you, at least one of your little girl gang would have been in prison by now
Or in The Priory.
Or on Jeremy Kyle.
You really are the one holding this shit together.
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