Its not easy being a child but its much harder being a child of God


It’s difficult to give for many for others just a few they give without reserve and they find it difficult to receive into their heart and into their life …..for me it started at 6yrs of age keeping my mum and Dad apart when the drink was in ….the wits were out was a favourite saying at the time. The fear was to prevent her being hit by him for what l found out years later was her lies.
No child such suffer at the hands of another human being …but a parent is worst l was not aware of the person l was protecting until after the death of my dad ….only then did l find out the real truth and many things became clear.
My dad wanted a girl and my gran wanted her own way and made my mother have a miscarriage and so time later l was born .

But my life took many twists and turns and eventually l was to learn after my dads death l was not wanted and was just an after thought ….then he died as if suddenly the light went out. I was left with being asked by him to make a promise, that l would take care of my mother. I had never been asked by him to do anything and all l craved was to feel loved. So l said yes . Two days later he died.

I was now the breadwinnner ..l had a brother but he did not want to know …it was as l promised my job. On the day of the funeral my mother said these words when given sympathy by a relative ….” I have Ian now “ and she grabbed ny arm l can still feel her fingers digging into my arm now. And so my life no longer was mine and everything was to keep that promise for 30yrs ….7 of which she had dementia and eventually did not even know my name.

I lost everything at that time and could only pray …for someone to love me for who l was and God My Father Did Just That and so began the renewal of my batter soul and for what reason l know not …….Thirty years plus elapsed and the repair continued as health, went to wealth and wealth led to wisdom ….oh NO not of the pocket but of the mind, body, heart & soul and knowledge grew and l aged ….but one day someone stopped me in shop and said remember Moses was 80yrs of age before he began his work ….I knew not at the time the WHY ….but eventually learning the HOW, WHAT, WHEN AND WHO l was given this ‘ help & guidance ‘ l learned the WHY (or maybe l should say was given the WHY …

So when things seem like you are on your own there is a God of the Father and the way forward never seems easy but the way to the ‘ Tree of Life ‘ when God enters your heart ….is more difficult than anyone can ever know.

So to all friends, followers, readers and those taking time to reflect this l say ‘ Hold Faith to What You Feel in Your Heart ‘ now and forevermore Amen