Sheep or loner? Often we do things because it’s “What other people do” or “What society expects from us” We tug along with the rest of humanity and often we do it blindly. Try stepping away, in your mind, from that truth, or lie, and ask yourself how you feel afterwards. I did. Try it, seriously. Is Scotland full of sheep who listen to the media and idiots who think they know it all, or are we a people who keep away from the herd and see clearly what we need to? Curious if ANYONE ever reads this, but more curious to get an answer from EVERYONE who reads it. Sadly by nature nobody will type a thing first. If one other person wrote like I am, many would follow. Trust me. But you won’t…What you scared from? I Just would like to know! I see family and friends on the same path as everyone else, I stepped away from that path and amazing things happened to me. Doors opened I had no idea were even there.
So why do we stay with the flock Scotland?
Again, I know I waste my time. Scottish people I guess are as sceptical of social thinking of them than any other populous of any other nation in our World. I used to think “Oh what will people think of me” Now I don’t even ask. I just do. I freed myself from ‘Something’ No main stream God was involved, no religion was involved I read no books for guidance. I hate to talk about my Disability. Sadly many of you, yes you, will define me by my actions and words. I don’t care, so why do you? 😀
See we are all on a journey in life, the mass percentage have no idea they are on one, they wake up, have a shower, go to Work, come home, make tea, eat tea, sit down, watch TV, go to bed, have sex, wake up, have a shower, go to work…….. You get my point. I live in utter agony BUT I AM NOT ALONE. Many who read this are sore or ill or dying. I see a World around me of sheep. I see it more in real life than on-line. Many who really don’t fully understand the Internet will not understand what I am saying here. Bonds I have made 20 years ago, 15 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago, last month/week, today and/or tomorrow are still there on-line. Sure we lose people but that is life, that happens no matter where we take our minds. Lately I have started to write, nearly 2 years now, I guess I am the Author of my own being these days. I am almost narrating my own life as I learn to live. Make sense?
I guess I am a free soul, I am not trapped by anything. I was on HEAVY medication till 4 days ago. In the last 4 days I have had less medication in these 4 days than I did in 12 hours of any given day I was on them fully. I came off a few weeks back to the heavy levels, I only really shared it a few days ago. I feel awake now. I read a lot of what I did when I was pumped with POISON the Dr gave me and some made sense, some never. I took a choice to take no drugs and live no matter. I don’t want a groundhog day existence, I want an existence where every living breathing moment I learn. I could not sit for one second and think “I know it all” because I don’t and neither DO YOU. You don’t. you think you do, you don’t
Many will read this and think “Is this aimed at me” Let me explain something to YOU. If you read this and thought “Is this aimed at me” then the answer is “This is aimed at you” BUT I never aimed at anyone, I aimed nowhere and at nobody. So if you thought I meant you, then look in the mirror, be honest and ask why you thought I meant “This was about you”
Many deny themselves a true life because they are scared of the hurt that always comes when you REALLY LIVE. I used to turn my back on love and friendship because I was once scared of losing. I didn’t like myself for that. So I changed, I became Shaun, free from medication, pain, loss, worrying, gossips, hate and all that hits us in life. Take hatred. I know many who feel hate, they take a person’s words and feel hated, I ask you to not take that hatred on board. Don’t become what others want you to be. Be you!! Love and take the loss and hurt when it comes. The reason I did this is I realised I am different first of all. I came to the conclusion I am ‘DIFFERENT’ I have changed, but you know, I LOVE WHO I AM NOW! I am happy, blessed in the sense I have feeling(s). I feel, I love, I breath at my own pace. I observe our World now, I write about it, it has become my ‘Art Form’ See when you do ANYTHING that others can’t for WHATEVER reason, inability, hatred, confusion whatever! You become fear, hate, worry, gossip and rumour driven.
I am free from all that now. I ask simply. Why can’t you be free? What is stopping you? I had one person tell me “I Work for a living unlike you” BEHIND MY BACK, lol. Yeah a person said this about me. I heard about it and smiled then I became sad. That person thinks I sit and pretend to be nothing and take what the World gives me. I feel sorry for you if you feel that way. I want Scotland to be a free country from the British Union. It is my ‘Art’ right now. It is what I research and write about. I write for my place in Scotland for a group of like minded people http://www.scot2.scot/ have a look for your area there. I write for and about West Edinburgh here https://www.facebook.com/pages/scot2scot-Edinburgh-West/361924177307818 So for anyone who thinks ‘Shaun lives for Shaun’ please, think again. I also run this page here for others who suffer, many less, many worse than I suffer, but I have to try and help everyone https://www.facebook.com/groups/699321140156812/ That is my page for ANYONE with any Chronic illness, this is an illness or disease that you will have for life or that will control your life. So please, never say “Shaun only talks about Shaun” to me.
Open your feelings, talk, be you. I know family and friends who I can’t speak to on the phone for over 2 minutes, they hide from feelings. I let them be. Like me, like you, they will find who they are. If it means they never show or allow feeling in then that is sad, not “That person is sad” It is sad in the term, unfair. But I can tell you unfair, I got a life taken from me. Did I sit and feel sorry for myself? No! I ran a football club for nearly 10 years, worked with kids for free all these 15 years I was in football. I am not showing off, I wouldn’t and couldn’t do that. All I am saying is, people like to assume, presume and guess with gossip also. So knowing the facts about life will help YOU become you and not the society made version you are told to be
Try it, please. Allow opinion, accept opinion, even if you don’t understand or believe in the opinion. Don’t get all worried about things you can’t change either. Don’t live in guilt, I used to be guilt but in reality is there anything we can do about the past? No, there is nothing. So what I have learnt and just recently as I wean of this Dr’s poison is “To be Shaun” But always look to others feelings best I can. As I come off my poison fully the pain will cripple me, literally cripple me. But I will fight it, not to point score or prove points, but for a Woman I love always. For 2 guys I have watched growing in to men and more so for two wee lassies (Little Girls out side Scotland) 2 wee lassies who are starting to be aware of what and who is around them. I MUST with the help of my partner make sure these 2 wee special princess of mine get to understand the World the same as their big brothers. I have to do that, I will never judge my kids nor show hate. Parents don’t do that, often with one of my sons they see anger, where in-fact it’s ‘Dad trying to teach’ I was that age once so I know what to look out for, lol
Life is precious, I don’t waste moments, I keep them. My Mum recently remarried, that was a moment, I keep it where it should be kept. Same as all moments. I smile and live and be free from the shackles of what life expects and more to what I ACCEPT. Live guys and gal’s, we have no other choice. You may be happy at 20 years old, but please know choices you make aged 20 will define where you are at age 40, I am told my one of my parents “What you do at 40 will define you when you are my age” I am lucky to have that wisdom around me. See that is what it is at the end of the day, we surround ourselves with people we can be ourselves around. We can relax with people we know care about us. Often it is not blood related, but that is fine, as long as you surround yourself with people who will mould you moving forward in life. I tried my best with my sons with my Partner and we nailed it, 2 amazing lads. Now we have the PRIVILEGETO DO IT ALL AGAIN WITH THE GIRLS. I CAN’T WAIT!!! 🙂
All I said above applied to you, anywhere in our World and whoever you are wherever you are and all in-between
Learn to smile, and mean it 😀
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