The Human Mind, Feelings, Emotions and Chronic Pain ‘If you have that’


Dalai Lama


Picture1By @ShaunyGibson – Used to be @ ShaunyNews

When you sit and try to define your purpose on this Earth when you ask who and what you are, we all do this. The irony is many will dismiss that they do this, so go look at that image above again, see it? When you are in a state of TOTAL feeling, at one with yourself and life and the universe, you care. When you care you hurt more, it comes with the packaging. I see so many people afraid to ‘Feel’ because they refuse to take on the burden that comes with it, that would be hurt or loss, whatever, you know? People refusing to go the full way and be true to themselves in fear they might get too close to something. I am not afraid of dying, I am afraid of dying now and leaving my partner too 8ea41f8ff202634e3ff7445fd86ae973 (1)soon. To get to that way of thinking an ‘Event’ must happen. For me the event happened in childhood and guides me now as an adult, in reality it is amazing, many call it God, I just call it amazing, superb, a blessing, lucky and other such words. When I say this to a friend who knows I live in utter agony they say “How can this be, you are Disabled and in pain” To get something we must first lose something. It can be the death of a person, the death of a habit, to forget someone or something, whatever it is, you need to lose before you feel what many like me do and see our World for what it really is, it’s a total hell hole in every sense of the word, but we do as individuals show and see act’s of love and kindness from others, but to gain we lose first, we must lose to get, for me it’s THAT SIMPLE, I was lost for a long time, it was lonely and hard, but all the time my partner and 2 sons were there, now here I am, smiling, happier than I have ever been, why? Because I lose BADLY. So not much else to lose here, so I love what I have and understand that, the pain will do what it will, so I choose life

Song made from the an Irvine Welsh book, then the movie Trainspotting  For those outside the UK who don’t know this Movie 
Part 1 – The beginning

Part 2 – The end…. Both filmed in my City, Edinburgh, Scotland

We all deny our own existence, many of us are wide awake and watching, listening and learning, I am one of these guys. I had a friends, 17 years a friend may I add, she is from Columbus120380-118513 Ohio in the US of A. She said “Shaun has changed” She wasn’t being nasty or rude, far from it. But I felt in an instant ‘Friends don’t do this’ What this is, is she stopped being my friend. When I got my (YES, YES I AM TALKING ABOUT MYSELF, THIS IS MY PAGE, I WRITE THIS IS OFTEN WHAT I DO, NOT ALWAYS) 😀 Sorry I had to get that out the way. Anyway, when I got my Disability, Chronic Pain Syndrome, it then upgraded to the 22827c360539999fff306fa99d5f1775‘Devils Disease’ Fibromyalgia it took things from me, abilities to do things, loss of many things I would before do, friends, family, respect, love, it gives sufferers the attributes and feelings of Motor Neuron Disease and Parkinson’s Disease I could go on. But I am a great believer in Karma. As I sit here now I would say 80% of my immediate family don’t think I am disabled, the 20% would be my Partner, two sons and closest friends. Not one family member is ‘cool’ with Fibromyalgia at all, they say like my friend in the USA did “Shaun has changed” And it gets boring and you do smile after a while, but you learn to surround yourself with people who don’t talk about it and you just have fun with, my partner, sons, close friends and a few on-line also. It is ‘Normal’ I have friends from School, these guys are all super cool, they mock my disability, so it’s all good, I wouldn’t have it any other way. To one mate I am ‘limpy’ for example 😀 This is how I want my disability to be, sadly around certain people it is near impossible because THEY have the problem you see?

Starter pack for the judgemental or is it just 'mental' :D

Starter pack for the judgemental or is it just ‘mental’ 😀

1dd6d21b566548f6552659025a6749baSome of my friends are people I done football with, coaches, players, players families, kids families, for 15 years till I had to stop 5 years ago now, some from school, guys I knew inside out, guys I held hands with at funerals of their parents, friends who are in-fact blood, people who you treat as blood, like Family. These people I know and they know me. When the Disability hit most were all “Oh Shaun I am sorry” I was like “Don’t you dare, no sympathy’ and it was never mentioned again. They all get it now 100%. I can’t make plans with a good mate who is a chef for example, we are REAL good mates, very close, as close as a brother should be. When I cancel they are all cool. With Family no understanding at all. I am sorry I have to say this, the person who said it will read this. I was told over the phone by a family member “You are always in bed” and “You never go out” At first I was angry but them my anger turned to “They are the ones in pain, not me” So again glance at the image above quickly and read it again

See, when you lose things, and they keep going, doesn’t stop, it becomes your ‘Reality’ and you understand and respect this is the way it is. Once you get to that way of thinking you can moveimgres-5_med on, you begin to smile again and be at peace with yourself and as I say, surround yourself with people who enjoy life, people who laugh every day, people like me who demand we have fun. So I go back to what that person told me, I said above “They are the ones in pain, not me” is when I figured out the nasty hurtful words and other issues. I am 41 and I love to learn, I need to learn, I have an open mind on ALL subjects and I believe this is healthy and needed, both apply. So when I understood the other person, the person who couldn’t get why “I am always in the house” or “I am always in bed” (Neither of which are true, not that I care, I don’t judge others) I understood that they were the ones, sadly, with the problems. See I learnt not so long ago, people who attack others with words, words the target won’t hear, mock or joke about a person in their absence, they are the ones with deep rooted problems

220px-Two_Dimensions_of_Emotion.gifThe people I surround myself with are just amazing people, Partner, kids, mates, whoever but others I can’t figure out, so I stopped. I realized they were figuring me out, or trying to figure me out so I gave in, if a person can’t figure a person out or doesn’t get a certain person I say sever the ties, walk away, stop trying to 2nd guess when you ARE wrong about people. Why spend time and brain power and time trying to figure a person out? 😀 How sad is that? I leave a smile because I have only very recently figured this out. I take the smile back and feel sad for these people. Not many, really, a handful. My parter will say “I don’t and can’t feel your pain or understand your mind especially on medication, BUT I AM HERE AND I LOVE YOU” that is all I needed to hear from the woman I love. She judges nobody, in our 25 years knowing each other as kids, primary school kids to now as adults late 30’s and 40 ish I have never once heard her say 1 (ONE) bad word about another. So ‘Surround yourself with the right people’ comes into play, I am around a goddess in every sense of the word, make no mistake I am the luckiest lad this side of Mars for managing to convince my partner to spend the rest of her life with me, so for that, I am blessed, happy, relieved! and in love. When all is said and done, this blog was fun, it made me smile because I demand I smile, to be the opposite is to not live, so easy choice right? Well not really, I know people who have killed themselves who have what I have, I know people talking about, people who have tried to take their life, people who were laughing one day and dead the next, some hide away from the world, I guess I hide away from MY world, the world I was born into, but I keep hold of the world I created for myself, anyone is welcome in, just knock the door, I will put the kettle on 😀 My partner loves me medicated or not, people actually judge me for being on Dr’s prescribed medication and to top it off most of the people who judge take illegal drugs and get drunk and fight and cause trouble where ‘Sociably Acceptable’ alcohol is allowed to roam free and destroy people, can you feel the Irony? I do, it hurts, wait! I hurt anyway!

This ring true for anyone?

This ring true for anyone?


People die, many are worse, but this is bad, real bad, it makes loved ones not talk. Agreed loved one? I have changed, this changed me, try and be nice aye?

So look one final time at the image above. Makes sense now right? I have defined a meaning to it’s fullest, words from the Dalai Lama, and that’s hard to do right? Some of us can ‘Feel everything so deeply’ We are the ones who hurt the most, who take bad news the worst, we are the ones when say? one of our kids move out takes it hardest. It comes with the territory. To be at total one with yourself, to understand you in any shape, form, health whatever is hard to do. But once you can see it clearly it opens up amazing things in your mind. The pain sucks for sure, the medication sadly is enjoyable as it takes the pain away. I am ready for almost anything, I can take almost anything and I can understand almost everything and I now understand other people, I see them clearly now, lost, pretending to be what they are not, not on purpose, it’s just their ways and I respect others ways. I guess what I am saying is, I respect YOU for what you are, even if I have no time for you or I don’t like you, whatever, I respect you. Respect me back please. So this is for all my friends I lost, who are lost, this is for the people like me who are defined by the images I added. I never ask for sympathy, I would however like certain family members to just walk into my home and say “How you doing today you fragile fool” 1st of January and look what I did, I will leave you with the image of how 2014 ended and how 2015 started, and I wouldn’t have it ANY other way, these are battle wounds, I look at all my bumps and bruises as that, my prize for daring to live for daring to laugh and have fun in life. My new years resolution is to sort my sleeping pattern out, I will try but I am not holding my breath,  for long anyway…. Happy New Year 😉

 I Dropped the hoover on my ankle/shin and ripped some skin and 'I think' tore some ligaments. No break.. But agony and bruised like a break

I Dropped the hoover on my ankle/shin and ripped some skin and ‘I think’ tore some ligaments. No break.. But agony and bruised like a break

Now go have one last glance at that image at the very top and see if you understand it now 😉


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Are our brains like computers with a ‘Recycle Bin’?


By @ShaunyGibson – Used to be @ ShaunyNews

ok, stick with me here reader. I have just slept 31 hours after being awake for 29, this is the Causality of Fibromyalgia, there is NOTHING I can do to change it. When asleep I go past R.M Sleep And into a deeper state of sleep that science has told me is called ‘Paralysed sleep’ it means my dreams are so real my body could act out what I am dreaming, it’s way past sleep walking, so much deeper. When you see someone sleeping and their eyes are moving this is  as close to what I am trying to explain is. When we sleep and our eyes are moving madly we are in DEEP RM Sleep. I go to a place deeper than even my Dr or Pain team can understand. I have had it most of my life and when I am asleep I am not in agony, so I like to sleep, but not too much I want to see my family.

This is very hard to type but each time I sleep for these periods of time, 30+ hours I feel like I have been somewhere for a day, I feel like the dream was so real then I ask is what I am doing right now, typing on my PC with music hammering through my head on my Sennheiser headset any more real or unreal? Awake can be as real as asleep to me. Something that started as a kid. It confused me but I always spoke to one person about this, to this day I still speak to that person, my dad. He understands, if he isn’t understanding he will listen anyway. I say “When I am asleep it’s like I leave earth on a voyage into space” He says “I understand”

So what is this? What is knocking me out for 35 hours sometimes. I sleep so deep I can have both my Daughters jumping on me, my sons shaking me or Dawn playing loud music inches from my ear and I don’t bat an eyelid, I am too deep in sleep to be part of the living here. When I do awake for 20/30 minutes I think I am dreaming because the dream was so real


I just awoke to a dreams of memories from my childhood, they were as vivid to me then as this is now. I remembered things my brain in an awake state could not. So I am asking, are our brains like a computer in a bigger sense than Science will have us believe. Where do these old memories awaked Shaun can see? Are they stored in some Recycle bin of info that never gets deleted?




These four types of brain waves, and others discussed below, are important criteria that have been used to define four distinct stages of non-REM sleep. Obviously, falling into a deeper and deeper sleep as the night progresses is actually a gradual, continuous process, but these four stages still provide a convenient means of describing the relative depth of non-REM sleep.

Stage 1 non-REM sleep begins when you first lie down and close your eyes. After a few sudden, sharp muscle contractions in the legs, the muscles relax. Then, as you continue falling asleep, the rapid beta waves of wakefulness are replaced by the slower alpha waves of someone who is relaxed with their eyes closed. Soon, the even slower theta waves begin to emerge.

Though your reactions to stimuli from the outside world diminish, Stage 1 is still the phase of sleep from which it is easiest to wake someone up. In experiments where people are awakened from Stage 1 sleep and asked about their state of consciousness, they usually report that they had just fallen asleep or had been in the process of doing so. They also often report having had stray thoughts and short dreams. Each period of Stage 1 sleep generally lasts 3 to 12 minutes,

Stage 2 non-REM sleep is a stage of light sleep in which the frequency of the EEG trace decreases further while its amplitude increases. The theta waves characteristic of Stage 2 sleep are interrupted by occasional series of high-frequency waves known as sleep spindles. These bursts of activity have a frequency of 8 to 14 Hz and an amplitude of 50 to 150 µV. Sleep spindles generally last 1 to 2 seconds. They are generated by interactions between thalamic and cortical neurons.

During Stage 2 sleep, the EEG trace may also show a fast, high-amplitude wave form called a K-complex. The K-complex seems to be associated with brief awakenings, often in response to external stimuli.

People in Stage 2 sleep are unlikely to react to a light or a noise, unless it is extremely bright or loud. It is still possible to awaken them, even if they then report that they were really sleeping during the 10 to 20 minutes that this stage lasts during the earliest of the night’s sleep cycles. But because people go through Stage 2 sleep several times during the cycles in a night, this is the stage in which adults spend the greatest proportion of their sleep–nearly 50% of the total time that they sleep each night.

Stage 3 non-REM sleep marks the passage from moderately to truly deep sleep. Delta waves appear and soon account for nearly half of the waves in the EEG trace. Sleep spindles and K-complexes still occur, but less often than in Stage 2. The greater activity observed in the electro-oculogram (EOG) trace during stages 3 and 4 reflects the greater amplitude of EEG activity in the prefrontal areas, rather than movements of the eyes.Stage 3 lasts about 10 minutes during the first sleep cycle of the night but accounts for only about 7% of a total night’s sleep. During Stage 3, the muscles still have some tonus, and sleepers show very little response to external stimuli unless they are very strong or have a special personal meaning (for example, when someone calls your name, or when a baby cries within earshot of its mother).
Stage 4 non-REM sleep is the deepest, the one in which we sleep the most soundly. The EEG trace is dominated by delta waves, and overall neuronal activity is at its lowest. The brain’s temperature is also at its lowest, and breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure are all reduced under the influence of theparasympathetic nervous system.In adults, Stage 4 lasts about 35 to 40 minutes during the first sleep cycle of the night; it accounts for 15 to 20% of total sleep time in young adults. The muscles still have their tonus, and some movements of the arms, legs, and trunk are possible. This is the stage of sleep that accomplishes most of the body’s repair work and from which it is most difficult to wake someone up. This is also the stage of sleep in which children may have episodes of somnambulism (sleepwalking) and night terrors.




The Human brain, like the wires inside a computer



I know most of this people will read and think “Who is this nut job” But writing isn’t just about news or views it’s about life also. I see a World scared to talk, scared to open up, terrified that the World will see the truth and or know the real them. I say this is a great pity. For me I ask is the awakened World, this one, any less or real than the dream world many of us can reach?

I have put myself forward for RM Sleep dream programmes and hope to do them soon. It means staying in Hospital for a few days but I truly want to understand the difference between the real and unreal. I guess my whole life has been a quest for knowledge. Now disabled and at the mercy of Medication it would be easy to say “Shaun you are on Medication” Well my Medication wears off 10 hours into my sleep, so the next 20+ hours of sleep are real and pure and for me true and real. I was born 3 months premature in 1973, I had several accidents with electricity. I just dreamt them! I must have been 3 years old and I stuck a knife into the wall socket, knife broken, Shaun ok. I stuck a knife into a toaster, Shaun 1-0 Toaster. I was fine. I was pushed down 10/15 marble stairs by Bruce the Great Dane dog we had, I was fine. My Mum was running with me in the buggy, she hit the curb and I went flying head first into concrete, I am positive my Mum told me this story and she had tied me in. So many times I should have been dead or injured yet I was fine. So is this why I am in pain today? I need to know. I also have an unreal thirst for Religion the Bible and God, I believe in God but the rest I can’t. 20 years ago had I said that out loud it would have got a laugh, today I don’t care, and for me that is the trick of living, STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK! The past is the past and we do go there, it’s human nature. What I am going through I have a few friends who go through similar or have went through it. I can testify to one thing, I have my mind, it is mind, I love my family and don’t care what people think 🙂 It’s a great place to be. It is like being free from society and it rules, try it

I can’t explain it this any better



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Killing Me Softly : Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Deaths

I have always loved this saying

I have always loved this saying

By @ShaunyGibson – Used to be @ ShaunyNews Via: Lisa Lorden Myers

Earlier today I did this blog and I posted it on my Fibromyalgia and any Chronic issue Facebook page for us all to discuss Chronic Illness, things that don’t kill you, they kill your spirit if you let it. I seen this here and I MUST share this page with YOU who have chronic pain or Fibromyalgia or any or any other “Can’t kill you” chronic Condition here> Links and as much info on the “Devils Disease” as I could throw together. Not till I started my Group on Facebook for Chronic Pain/Fibro/Depression, anything Chronic, did I understand the level of suffering in others…

…..I AM NOT ALONE, AS I AM MADE TO FEEL BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. But hey, that is no happy feeling. Reassuring maybe? Our biggest challenge as sufferers is almost impossible to the point we just say ‘Feck it’ and give up. I don’t want to give up on family/friends who don’t like ‘New Shaun’ because to me they are ‘New Them’ it is totally a 2 way street. I notice people look at me as if I am screwing the Government for money, facts are I receive not ONE PENNY from the Government. The only message I want to get through to my loved ones is “This is why I am in bed, this is why I am in a lot, this is why I don’t visit” and once we get past that we can all smile, love, have fun and move the FECK ON! I speak for many (And I tagged a few in here when posting) when I say this, all we want is UNDERSTANDING. Then we can all move on, simple really. But we see things that may not be there, we feel things that may not be there. But to define this is to define Fibro. Fibro is new, not many people know about it, not many who live in pain know they have it. STRESS = PAIN as well as other things with Fibro/CPS, I know in America for example you guys pay for EVERYTHING and that is wrong. Here in Scotland EVERYTHING Health related is free. Now Scotland has greater powers it will only get better. Seeing your Dr is Free, All your Medication is free, Hospital visits be them arranged or not are free, X-Rays and ALL operations are free. I could not survive in a country anywhere where the stress of not knowing all of the above was covered so it must be murder for you guys. My heart goes out to you all 

In Scotland  they grade you 1 to 10…You get asked 100 questions in a book you take home, each question is 1 – good or 10 – DEAD (I am joking, 10 is the worst) I am 10, do you know your score? Try it below


Via Hunter Medicare Local on You Tube – Official Scottish Video from our NHS (National Health Service)
PLEASE GIVE THIS A WATCH PEEPS..IT ‘WILL’ HELP. Ask your partner, parents, family, friends etc to watch also.
Understanding Pain: What to do about it in less than five minutes?


Knowing the signs are crucial, if we can save one life this article and you reading it was worth it



photo_libraryBy Lisa Lorden Myers

Note: Lisa Lorden Myers, a CFS/fibromyalgia patient from California, is a well-known writer. For three years, she was the Guide to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia at This article was originally published in Fibromyalgia Frontiers, the journal of the National Fibromyalgia Partnership. Lisa now runs the website
Living with CFS & Fibromyalgia.



On August 15, 1996, Dr. Jack Kevorkian reportedly assisted in the suicide of Judith Curren, 42, of Pembroke, Massachusetts. She suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) and fibromyalgia (FM). Jan Murphy, another FM sufferer, also turned to Kevorkian for help; later reported her assisted suicide in the summer of 1997. A recently publicized investigation in the UK revealed that just last year, Julia Revill, age 58, hanged herself outside her family home after becoming frustrated at a lack of medical help for her Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME). ME is the name used abroad for chronic fatigue syndrome. She had shown some improvement after treatment at the UK’s only ME hospital in Essex but had been refused funding by the local health authority for further treatment there, and her condition deteriorated. The loss of “one of our own” always hits hard. These and other reports sent shock waves through the FM/CFS community. Patients with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome have an exquisite understanding of the pain, both physical pain and emotional anguish, associated with having a poorly understood, incurable disease. “When you start hearing there is no hope, no treatment, and no cure over and over, you lose your will to fight,” wrote Jan Murphy in a eulogy read at her funeral. “What most people saw of me was a shell of what was going on inside.” The FM/CFS community is certainly not alone in addressing the problem of suicide. Each year, about 30,000 people in the United States take their own lives. It is the 11th leading cause of death in our country and accounts for about 1.5% of all deaths in the US.

Suicide and FM/CFS

It is unclear whether there is an increased risk of suicide among FM/CFS patients, as compared to the general population. In 2006, Leonard Jason and colleagues published a study analyzing a memorial list maintained by the National CFIDS Foundation. They reported that suicide was one of the three leading causes of death in the sample, along with heart disease and cancer. The researchers noted several limitations to the study, including uncertainty about whether the list was representative of people with CFS and concluded “clearly, it is not possible to generalize the data from this memorial list to the overall population of patients with CFS.”


The truth I just know hurts us all, Family who get angry with us…

However, there is evidence that chronic pain and illness put patients at risk for suicide. An illness like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, which is often doubted or neglected by the medical community, the public, and sometimes family and friends, can present unique problems. Patients with FM/CFS can become victims of isolation and despair. Secondary depression is a well-known symptom of FM/CFS and is common with any type of chronic pain. Sufferers depend on a variety of sources of support, including pain management, psychological support, and financial support. When one of these essential needs remains unmet over a long period of time, it is possible for patients to begin to believe that their situation is hopeless. In fact, a recent report published by Action for ME, a UK non-profit organization, revealed that 51% of survey respondents have felt suicidal as a result of their illness. Those with the most severe cases of the illness and who received delayed diagnosis and management were most likely to have considered suicide.

Responding to Suicidal Thoughts

How we feel..

How we feel..

Martha Ainsworth, founder and director of Metanoia, a non-profit organization dedicated to suicide prevention, describes the problem of suicide succinctly. She writes, “Suicide happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide, and individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain. According to Ainsworth, you can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible. It is important to realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The Journal of the American Medical Association has reported that 95% of all suicides occur at the peak of a depressive episode. For many people who feel suicidal, there seems to be no other way out. But suicidal thoughts are typically a reflection of distorted thinking caused by severe depression or even by the neurological changes associated with FM/CFS itself. When we are depressed, we tend to see things through the very narrow perspective of the present moment. A week or a month later, things may look completely different.

Warning Signs of Suicide

  • Talking or joking about suicide or statements about being reunited with a deceased loved one

  • Making statements about hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness (“Life is useless” or “Everyone would be better off without me.”)

  • Preoccupation with death (recurrent death themes in music, literature, or drawings)

  • Appearing suddenly happier or calmer

  • Loss of interest in things one cares about

  • Unusual visiting or calling people one cares about (saying good-byes)

  • Giving possessions away, making arrangements, or settling one’s affairs

  • Self-destructive or risk-taking behavior (alcohol/drug abuse, reckless driving, self-injury or mutilation)




LOL..So true

Most people who once thought about killing themselves are now glad to be alive. They say they didn’t want to end their lives – they just wanted to stop the pain. According to Dr. William Collinge, Ph.D., author of several books including Recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, “If you can remind yourself that the suicidal thoughts or feelings are transitory and symptomatic of the illness, this will help you get through those times when you are in the bottom of the pits and can’t see any way out. Also, talking about your feelings with a confidant or loved one can help immeasurably.”Experts agree that talking about suicidal feelings is one of the most important things you can do. Talking to a caring and supportive friend or family member can be helpful, and there are a variety of helplines and support groups to whom people who are feeling suicidal can reach out. Severe depression, the primary cause of suicide, is highly treatable. If depression is recognized and treated, many suicides can be prevented. Anyone who has suffered with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome knows that it requires a huge adjustment, not only to the illness itself but to all the consequences it has on our lives. Chronic illness is likely to affect the way sufferers live, the way they see themselves, and how they relate to others. With the present state of world events, many people are feeling additional tension, anxiety, or sadness. But suffering with severe depression may be unnecessary. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, it’s essential that you know you don’t have to go it alone. Suicide is preventable, and there are a variety of resources that can provide the support you need.


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UK Heroin Misery Of The ‘Trainspotting’ Generation


By @ShaunyGibson – Used to be @ ShaunyNews

Trainspotting was a low budget movie made in my home town Edinburgh, Scotland. Written by a lad I have met through some football mates,Irvine WelshI knew some of the cast and it will go down as a cult movie for all of time. Ewan McGregor as Mark “Rent Boy” Renton, Ewen Bremner as Daniel “Spud” Murphy, Jonny Lee Miller as Simon “Sick Boy” Williamson, Robert Carlyle as Francis “Franco” Begbie and Kevin McKidd as Tommy MacKenzie. I have shared my story of my “Trainspotting youth” in the hope kids don’t open that door or walk that path

A quote I know myself, you have to have lived 'THAT LIFE' to get it.

A quote I know myself, you have to have lived ‘THAT LIFE’ to get it. (PUFF = Life)

You will know Ewan McGregor from the new Star Wars series of movies, Ewan I have met many times before he got famous, he is from Dundee but spent much time in acting classes here in Edinburgh starring in a few movies, but this made him as an actor, a fame all of the above got in Hollywood, this movie just should not have made as many millions as it did. It cost £2,000,000 Million to make ($3,100,000 Million Dollars) At the box office it brought in a whopping £45,000,000 ($72,000,000) and millions in Video/DVD/Blue ray sales.

Scene from Trainspotting

Scene from Trainspotting, this was the movie, nothing to do with trains

This movie was about Heroin in a bad place in my city. Many said it glorified Heroin, for me it showed the dangers. I was part of the “Heroin Generation” and am NOT PROUD to say I dabbled in drugs I should not have. I am a grown man now with 4 kids, these days are gone. This movie for me was a wakeup call, interesting to know what it did for others.


Trainspotting, Renton went cold turkey, just stopped

Heroin so dangerous that one hit and you are addicted there and then. Many people stupidly think if you smoke weed you will turn to Heroin. It’s like saying if you have one glass of wine you will end up an Alcoholic. A small % turn to Heroin, many never smoked weed. But society is backwards. Someone like me can’t smoke a joint to relax my pain, but people can get drunk, fight, drink every night and fight, kids can get drunk, go up town and fight, spread STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) Break windows and it costs tax makers a lot, some even, like me, are on hard drugs not through choice, but through necessity. We must define drugs and alcohol with logic before we cast stones

Begbie, we all know a "Begbie" Some said I was a "Begbie" I don't know

Begbie, we all know a “Begbie” Some said I was a “Begbie” I don’t know




Pictures of Rachel Whitear's body were used in a drug education video. This is real, Rachel OD'd, over dosed

Pictures of Rachel Whitear’s body were used in a drug education video. This is real, Rachel OD’d, over dosed, she is a statistic now

Much of what you will read here is England and Wales, Scotland has the same sadly. The number of adults seeking treatment for heroin and crack cocaine addiction in England has more than doubled in 10 years, new figures have revealed. While the total number of heroin and crack cocaine addicts has fallen below 300,000 for the first time since estimates began, there is a generation still hooked – the so-called Trainspotting generation.

The disaffected, heroin-addicted young people immortalised in Irvine Welsh’s bestselling novel are getting older. More than a third of the total population of adults in treatment centres are aged 40 or over, according to Public Health England. Many started using heroin in the epidemics of the 1980s and 1990s when good-quality, cheap opiate flooded the inner cities.

Thankfully I hated needles. I used to hang with 20 mates, 2 of us are doing well, 3 in jail, rest are dead. My old friends

Thankfully I hated needles. I used to hang with 20 mates, 2 of us are doing well, 3 in jail, rest are dead. My old friends

But as they enter old age there are warnings that dwindling health and dependence on heroin could place an increased burden on the National Health Service. On the ageing generation of addicts, Louise Ford, deputy manager at the Smithfield Detox Centre in Manchester, told Sky News: “For many people of this age group there is a sense of ‘now or never’ in finally getting the treatment they need.

“For the over-40s it could be redundancy, bereavement or failing health that finally prompts them to come in for help. The treatment is not easy and many relapse.” For those who have not sought treatment, life is a cycle of “scoring” heroin and finding the money to pay for it. Homeless Paul, 42, has been taking heroin since he was 17-years-old. His partner Jill, 39, was introduced to the drug at the age of 14. They take heroin in the back streets of Manchester’s city centre.

"Chasing the dragon" No needle. Edinburgh was once Europe's Heroin capital, not any more

“Chasing the dragon” No needle. Edinburgh was once Europe’s Heroin capital, not any more

He said: “I had a good life, what you’d call an average life, a car, a flat. I got laid off last year. I had never been out of work before. “Now I wake up, go and score, go and take it, go and find a pitch and start raising money again to score again and that goes on and on. “If I don’t get help now I’ll still be doing this into my 50s and 60s and I don’t want that. Heroin just makes you feel bad when you don’t have it. It doesn’t make you feel good anymore.”



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20 Years of Fibromyalgia – The Story of Paul from the USA – Very Similar to my story. You?

Sunday morning and I am in bed beat by an invisible monster. From time to time I read what others go through and it staggers me to see and know that everyone’s story is the same. Family belittle us, Friends think we tell lies. This is a story from ALL Fibro sufferers. I find it astonishing how we all tell the same story, have the same issues and battle the exact same demons. For anyone with Fibro and MORE IMPORTANT I THINK, for anyone in a relationship with a Fibro sufferer, I think watching this video will be of benefit. Paul in the video below tells a story I can relate to in oh so many ways. I just watched it with Dawn my partner. I am lucky she kinda understands, I can’t accept the girl to 100% get it, but she tries, she understands when I vent, like Paul says below and like you, a fellow sufferer tells, we all have this story, it matches up all the time. Here is Paul. It is 20 minutes, I ask you watch it and I hope it helps. Sadly many will look at this headline and think “Oh give it a break” Well all I can say to you is, “You get a soul” I can’t and don’t get people who don’t care, who belittle people with this. I had a family member tell me to “Give it a break, your not dying” I won’t speak to that person again. I have no time in my life for people who want to see me and treat me different. That is the thing, people think we want sympathy, NOTHING could be further from the truth, we just need to vent, imagine having toothache for a year without it stopping, now imagine that pain all over your body, all the time, never stops. And people ask “Why don’t you visit” I still have family members myself who get annoyed I can’t do things. Anyone who knows me and is still a friend will know that if I could still do football I would NEVER have started to write. Writing gives my brain a tiny bit of relief. This is one of a few small tricks I have learnt as the years have gone on. Don’t belittle me, I hate gossips, I would rather people, like my Sister said it to my face. Still was wrong, but I rather that that Jekyll and Hyde people. All smiles to your face or when they want something from you then turn around when you are not there and guess on you. It pissed me off no end. How does this all effect you? Watch the video, try and get where Paul is.

Paul Harrison



America – Why, When, Where did you become so dumb? Obama has played you all!



America, I have some amazing friends in all corners of your once great Country, I see an America that has been dumbed down so badly, let down so badly by a willing Government that has made you stupid. You were told this by MANY people from your own Country. I will keep the words short and show you 3 videos and some pictures and also some tweets that had me laughing so hard I broke 14 ribs 😀 America, I love you, you are a brilliant people, listen to George Carlin, watch the video of Obama. I AM WASTING MY TIME BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO DARN LAZY TO EDUCATE YOURSELF AMERICA. I AM TALKING TO MYSELF! I EXPECT NO DEBATE BECAUSE I DON’T THINK ANYONE IN AMERICA IS SMART ENOUGH TO FIGURE THIS OUT. When I debate American people I get deleted EVERY TIME because they can’t debate. My Country is in the top 3 of cleverest countries and we invented the modern World. Thank Scotland for giving you ALL THE STUFF YOU HAVE! Most of it is made in China but created in Scotland, this is true. I am just saying, this is how I notice your education system has failed you and your kids America, if you REALLY want to educate yourself, watch and read ….Please?

How the Scots Invented the Modern World

The Newsroom – America is not the greatest country in the world anymore…

The Reason Education Sucks – GEORGE CARLIN

Obama Lies Compilation – WAKE UP YOU SHEEPLE!

Young Hillary Clinton Supporters Struggle to Name Her Achievements – THIS IS STAGGERING! 






















































Fibromyalgia Documentary Sneak Peek – Living in agony, my story


As I seek to free my mind and body from the hell that is Fibromyalgia, I often stumble across people who ‘claim’ to know of treatments. Some sit around stones, some pray to God, some say eating habits, some say they have ways. I have tried them all. I am yet to find relief. There is no calendar date with Fibro, we are not told “You have a year to live” Many of us want to hear that. I know that sounds awful but when you burn in pain 24/7 what else are we to think? I speak to hundreds of other Fibro sufferers, I am part of many groups where we talk about things that help. For me Music helps a little, I sit with my headphones on and allow the Music to change my mind. The Central Nervous System then sends out different signals. But it is a very short term thing. Last night I had to go to bed at 7pm in tears as the pain was unbearable, I crawl sometimes. When I am around loved ones or friends I have to pretend and that hurts. People I used to visit I now don’t and they never get why. I can try and tell people but it is impossible. I don’t blame you or anyone for thinking I whine over nothing, I would think the same if roles were reversed. I know pain, I understand pain, I live in pain, there is no let-up, it NEVER stops. I am 41 years old and I have had this they think (Pain team and Dr’s) since I was a kid. When I hit my mid 30’s it hit me like a car. The pain before was brutal, the pain now makes me want to end it. I WON’T EVER DO THAT. But I am only human right? I can’t comprehend a life with no pain. I am lucky that although I have Fibro Brain Fog and it can make me lost a word or forget what I was saying. When I am with people not in my house and I lose track it can be devastating, so I stay away from people in-case that happens. The pain kills me. I have two wonderful sons who help and two sweet Daughters who ask me questions now. “Daddy, why are you sore” I answer “Daddy hurt his leg playing football” And they skip away happy. But I crumble inside. I didn’t want to give Dawn this life (My Partner) But she is my rock, she saved me from myself and every day she smiles and loves life and this helps me. There is a documentary coming out and I will share it here when it’s out, but for all sufferers here is a clip. For family who wonder also even 

None of us with Fibro want sympathy, in-fact we hate that, we just want understanding. I had a family member, a sister, tell me on Facebook in full view of everyone to man up and stop moaning. Yeah I lost a Sister that day. She has her own issues, so I understand, but she doesn’t cry everyday with a pain that is like being burn alive or all over toothache, that is the best I can do to describe my hell. I make sure I have good moments. I demand I do. I play with my Daughters, drawing and games. But when I have to stop through pain, I don’t think there is a word I can find to tell how I feel. It strips me of all emotions and leaves me in a bubble all alone 

I hope and pray YOU never get Fibromyalgia, it is for life, there is no cure there is no getting away from it. It can be hell. Maybe it is Karma from my childhood? And being a young adult? Who knows 

More love less hate, Shaun


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